We have collected some pickup lines and hope that you enjoy them *and* find them as funny as we found them. Some of them are a bit on the rude side and if you can't handle that, just don't read them. So here it goes:

"Was it difficult getting into those jeans?" "Can I try?"

"Oh baby, you look so good I could drink your bath water!"

"Why don't you sit on my face so that I can eat my way to your heart."

"Hi, my name is Scott, but you can call me milk 'cause I'll do your body good."

"I like your shoes! Want to fuck?"

"I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your *BEDROCK*"

Man: Did you wash your jeans in Windex?
Woman: No, why? Man: Because I can sure see myself in them.

Man: "Your father must have been a thief."
Woman:"Why do you say that?" Man: "Because he stole the twight from the stars and put them in your eyes."

Man:"Do you have plans later?" Woman: "No not really."
Man: "Well if your heart ain't busy tonite, maybe it and other parts of you would like to get together with mine?"

Customer: What time do you get off? Barmaid: That depends on how good you are! "One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight. but I'd rather you be there."

Man: "Is that a spacesuit you are wearing?"
Woman: "No, why?" Man: "Because your body is out of this world."

A put down line: Lad : "So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" Lass : "Unfertilised!"

"Do you sleep on your stomach?" "Can I?"

Man: "Where have you been all my life?" Woman: "Hiding from you!"

"Hey you don't sweat much for a fat girl"

"If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold *it* against me?"

"Thats a nice dress can I talk you out of it?" I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Guy: So, do you have any Italian in you?
Chick: Not since last night.

I've been bartending for six years and this is still the worst pick up line and one of the best comebacks I've ever heard.
This guy says to this hot chick, "Hi there, in the Taco bell of life you are a burrito supreme,"
She looks at him with disgust and quickly replies, "Yeah buddy, and your a plain taco."

"Excuse me, do you want to go fuck now, or do I owe you an apology."

Guy: "Hold out your hand." Girl holds out hand, gets 40c dropped into it. Girl: "What's this for?"
Guy: "So you can phone your mother to tell her you're not coming home tonight!".

I heard this one on Spring Break at Daytona Beach last year.
Guy rubs woman's stomach:"Your skin's so soft. Wanna have sex?" Hope you like it. He got a slap across the face.

"Hey babe, I have clean underwear on."

"I like your shirt, but it would look better on my floor in the morning!"

Guy : Can I have your phone # Girl: 493-Never in your life

Here's a line someone tried on me........ I smiled, and he got a date.... He sent the waitress over with cold milk in a wine glass, and a message, "The gentleman over there, wanted to tell you that "every great body needs milk."...then she gave me his card.It worked!

"Should I call you in the morning or should I just roll over?"

"Is that a mirror in your pocket cuase I can really see me in your pants."

Guy says to girl that has shot down other blatently sexual lines,
"Want to go back to my place and talk about math?" pause for questioned face... "We'll add you to me, subtract our clothing, divide your legs, and multiply."

Here's a pick up line that I heard while on Spring Break last year in Panama City Beach, FL.
"You're clothes would look great crumpled up on the floor next to my bed"

Man: "Do you want to go get a pizza and fuck?" (assuming woman says no) Man: "What's the matter...You don't like pizza?"

"I'm not looking for a relationship... I'm looking for an experience"

"Hi, do you want to have my children (assuming the answer is no),
OK then, can we just practice" "Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"

A classic from the movie Fletch: (to girl in towel): "Excuse me, could i borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo"

"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"

"Lets take a shower together -- you smell"

"Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot"

"I'd look good on you"

"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"

"Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?"

"Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us"

Irish: "Have you got a little Irish in you?"
She: "Uh...no" Irish:
"Well, do you want some?"

"Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"

"Is that a false nose?"

"You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno"

"I'm drunk"

"Hi! My friends call me Creepy"

"Would you like to come to a party in my tool shed?"

"I just threw up!"

"You're ugly but you intrigue me"

"I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that"

"If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning"

She (to passing man): "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
He: "Do you have the energy?"

"You know, I'd really like to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it"

"I bet you I have more pubic hair than you" (doesn't work very well)

"Do you know how to use a whip?" (surprisingly this works)

"Would you like to dance?" (the answer is No)
"I'm sorry you must have misunderstood me.
I said: You look fat in those pants"

"I'm in the process of writing a phone-book. May I have your number?"

"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up my driveway!"

"I *love* women who aren't afraid to put on a few pounds"

"Hi, can I buy you several drinks?"

"The word of today is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the word"

(grab target's bottom, and ask) "Is this seat taken?"

"I'd use a cheesy pick-up line on you, but you're too smart!"

Lick your index finger and wipe it on your shirt then hers and say, "How about you and me get out of these wet clothes?"

At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh?", "Can I help?"

Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum!"

"I love every bone in your body - especially mine"

"Hi! Can I buy you a car?"

"My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it!"

"I'm new in town.

Could you give me directions to your apartment?"

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?"

"My hands are fast, but my tongue is quicker."

Look at the tag in her shirt and say, "I wanted to see if you were really made in heaven"

"I think you're the most beautiful girl I have ever seen... On a Wednesday"

"Do you believe in one-night-stands?"

"With one touch, I could make you make sounds that only a dog could hear!"

Man: "Did it hurt?"
Woman: "Did what hurt?"
Man: "When you fell out of heaven!"

"Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't think I recognize you with your clothes on?"

"I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples"

"Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!"